She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
