dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
