I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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