I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
