You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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