I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
