actually, I'm a sock model
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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