Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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