i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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