She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
