Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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