sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
