I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
