I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
