I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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