Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
