guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
