it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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