dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
