I got chris browned last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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