She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
