i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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