Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I smell stomach acid.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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