I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
