margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love you. Go after that dick
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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