and she was petting her beer can
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
