Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
