guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a hot homeless man
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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