yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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