There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
