At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
