I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
