11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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