I wish I could punch you in the face.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
