Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
