At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
