I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
