I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
