tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
