Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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