I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
