i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
