so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
