3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
