D3 body, D1 cock
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
