i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
