We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
