I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
