Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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