Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
