I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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