oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
