yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
