You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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