i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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