if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
