Sry I called you an 8
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
