so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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