I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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