genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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