Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
