TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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