You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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