shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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