i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
