just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize