i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
